what happened to Love...

I was at odds with myself about writing this post... but the more I watch my neighbours in the US trying to destroy each other every day with an onslaught of barbs and jabs and hate speech, the more I felt moved to offer up my perspective...

so yes, I am a gay man (born this way, it is not a choice we make, never let anyone tell you that it is chosen any more so than you chose to be straight.. those who profess to be cured (ex-gay), were never gay to begin with)... a loving, caring, soulful, spiritual man, who is an active member of society, I volunteer, I work in my church, I support my friends fiercely with their causes and they know I would always be there for them if they needed me... I strive to excel in my workplace and I am respected for my work ethic and my contributions... I hold my family in the highest regard, and they bless me with the same love... I love my God and I am blessed in return with more in this life than I could have ever imagined myself... I am respected for "Who" I am, for what I contribute, for this person you see before you...

But what I am not, just to cut through the stereotypes, is promiscuous, into children, wanting to marry my dog, have "Special" rights ahead of anyone else. Nor am I a child of Satan as "Michael Bresciani" has deemed Gay people to be. I wish for the same protections/rights/freedoms/respect/benefits as everyone else. I have no hidden agenda, no secret recruitment scheme, no conversion tactics, no ulterior motive. I am not broken, misguided, evil, sick or less than.. I am exactly as I was created...

I want the same things as everyone else, to find love, to cherish each other for our similarities and our differences, to be respected, to be heard, to be treated with dignity and to make a difference in whatever way that I can. For so long gay people have been labelled as promiscuous, and I will agree that many are, just as many hetero persons are. Hit any bar/nightclub on a weekend and the behaviour you can witness is not so different in either community. However, to then deny us the opportunity to show that we are in committed, loving, respectful relationships/marriages, removes our opportunity to show that we function just like the majority. Stable, loving beneficial partnerships just as the rest of you enjoy. Same but different is not equal. I have never understood the argument that "Same Sex Marriage" cheapens traditional marriage... how? How does my love for my partner and wanting that to be something beautiful, cheapen the love you feel for your loved one? How does it change your bond with each other? I am blessed to live in a country that granted us the right to marriage equality, and have been married.

I was once asked by a friend, quite sincerely "What does it feel like to be in love with another man?" I simply told her that my feelings of love, felt exactly the same as it did for her... I watched as she sat for a couple of minutes, and then the look on her face changed, the light bulb went on and she apologised for the question... she proclaimed "I had never even considered that it would be that simple"... I can only speculate as to why she had never considered that the emotional connection would be the same for me as for her, but her one question and my openness changed her life that day.

I am not going to wade into the Religious argument here as the mud slinging in the name of God is fodder for numerous other posts, other than to say we were commanded to Love each other... judgements and hate filled speech in His name, doesn't fly with me, regardless of which side of the issue you are on.

We seem, as inhabitants of this planet, to have a need to vilify on an ongoing basis.. pick a segment of society that has not been targeted in history.. Blacks, Jews, Mexicans, Japanese etc etc etc... what is our flaw? Why do we have the need to take down that which we find different from ourselves? What if you or your family was next?

Whatever your beliefs, let us remember that we are all "people"... flesh and bone, full of dreams, wants, needs and the deep rooted desire to be accepted and nurtured... we are "All" special, we are all worth something, we are all valuable... we are all really "not so different" from each other...

temper your words, lead with Love, speak with kindness, we are all bothers and sisters of humanity...

go out into this great world, love your neighbour, and most importantly, Love yourself...

holy ground...

as I walk, your footsteps echo mine for as long as I tread my path... I hear your life's breath as it moves the trees in time to my soul's heartbeat... your warmth embraces me as the sun splits the sky above in hues of gold and silver... you spread my wings and soar with me into visions of all that is Holy... all that I require is given selflessly and in abundance... your love for me is as for a child, cherished and held in sacred blessing... you are all at once, Father and Mother, Creator and comforter...

when I stray, your love allows for me to wander from my path... that same love knows that by allowing me the choice to choose, brings me back faster than any words could ever do... allowing me the chance to stumble and fall, builds me up and clears the way for our blessed reunion... your arms forever open and waiting to welcome in my shattered dreams and visions... unconditional and unencumbered...

your wish for me is to be all this and more, never striving to deny me anything, only to add to who I am and who I can be... grounded in lessons learned, dreams fulfilled, a destiny before me larger than anything I could have envisioned on my own... stay with me on these sacred grounds, guide and shape my being into value for this place... move my hands and my thoughts into actions of compassion and empathy... dry my tears and refresh my spirit... knowing you are always near, always ready, always loving... grounds my faith and steadies my feet for the next step...

freedom to be me...

the journey starts with the "freedom "from" me"...

the ability to lay down my fears, my wants, my needing to be thinner, richer, taller, more humorous, live in a bigger house... the freedom to be me without all that our own minds say is important, more important than who we really are... the keeping up with the Joneses so to speak... the lack of being complete and happy with what we have been given... talents, speech, sight, food, shelter, employment... be gracious for what is before you and not what you think you need to have in order to be who you think you need to be... for all that we lust for, new car, larger home, better job all to soon becomes familiar... and then we move the milestone again... think of your last new car... no one could eat it in, drink in it, wear dirty shoes in it... for the first year.... now it's just your car... where does the race stop... which milestone becomes enough... a million dollars... maybe it needs to be 2 million... maybe 5... what or when is enough...

the freedom to be me allows for a world of opportunity to be lain at my feet... those moments to be truly thankful, free of wants and desires, just moments of being truly blessed and being content with that... quit complaining about the new job you wished for and received only to find out the hours are longer and the people not quite as nice... quit moaning about having to clean the huge new house you prayed for and received... happiness grows from within and if we can learn to let go, get ourselves out of the way and be content, the whole meaning of our lives becomes crystal clear... all this stuff that we do, not to please ourselves, but to look good in the eyes of someone else, slowly robs us of the joy our lives are meant to be filled with...

but this is our life's work... to free ourselves from the stranglehold our "want" machine has on us... just don't give up.... never give up... even if you die trying... to never have begun the journey is far worse than stumbling along the way and ever reaching for deep down peace... 

the freedom to be me, allows me to greet you and be thankful for who you are, not "what" you are, or what you perceive yourself to be...  

meet me face to face,  and being to being without all of our bling and possessions in tow, as that is the person I am interested in... let me care about your smile and the warmth of your arms as they embrace me, let me see Heaven in your eyes and hear the melody of your heart...  show me who you are and I will honour you in the same way... lift me up and I shall carry you also... 

love me as I shall love you... free to be... me... and you...

wrapped in splendour...

we enter this world wrapped in the love of our parents... their protective arms fending off any ill that comes our way... their love pours out in joy and knows no bounds of happiness... they revel in each new skill, each new word spoken, they applaud our first steps, our first complete sentences, they cringe at our first triumphant "No!" and watch as we begin our journey towards adulthood... wrapped in their guidance, we begin our life's symphony, we push, we learn, we fall, we stand, we cry and we laugh... wrapped in this love, we strike out on our own path, their love stretches to encompass us wherever we find ourselves... we live our mistakes, we grow in confidence, we form our own ideas and concepts about what it is to be alive in this world... always tethered to our beginnings, always wrapped in splendour...

years bloom and blossom into bouquets of memories, we build our own place in line, forge our own identities and beliefs, but always we are still theirs, their dreams and wants and needs for us... to be successful, to be warm and loving, to make a difference that perhaps they wish they themselves had made... decisions they wish they could change and see in our dance of life... always wrapped carefully in their affection... and as our turn to be who they have been begins to dawn on the horizon, we step back and take up the mantle of our destiny, full of confidence tinged with a tear of sadness, for nothing escapes this life's journey... all that lives must come to it's final destination... all that was falls away and we are left with love... the power to be who we need to be on our own... hold tight, embrace long and often... feel the moments, drink the sweetness of being called to this place of beauty... give thanks for the moment, give thanks for the journey, bask in the joy and feel the warmth... open to be... wrapped in splendour...

gracious gratitude...

gratitude... the word gets alot of airplay these days, especially after Miss O's "Gratitude Journal" became word of mouth, and a wonderful practice to undertake... a way to remind ourselves to give thanks for all that we are given and provided... all that we can and do take for granted daily, hourly, minute by minute... a way to sort through what really matters, a way rid ourselves of the fluff and flash that life throws unceasingly at us... sometimes though, I think we too readily "off the cuff" so to speak, fire off our gratitude without a second thought as to the delivery... a quick "thanks" because it is polite to do so, without feeling the words leave our lips... how much better to be gracious with our gratitude and allow the moment to be truly and fully felt...

think of what it would mean to you if someone said "Thank you, your attention to me is really heartfelt, and has made my day exceptional"... there is a difference between "efficient" and "effective"...
efficient is to run through the process politely... effective leaves a flavour of special-ness in it's wake...
think of the last time you had excellent customer service somewhere, and the difference in the clerk who took an "interest" rather than "took a number" in the way they assisted you...  the 2 seconds of time it takes to stretch out the gratitude for ourselves or someone else, can change history... who knows who you will change and impact by your willingness to be grateful...
what you put out truly returns to you two or threefold... and it's easy to do...

gratitude... speak it without reserve or hesitation... pray it humbly... receive it graciously, for if someone creates a blessed moment to shower you with it, do not turn away from their gift... give thanks for all that you are capable of in this place... be thankful for your skills, and that you are able to share them, be thankful for the lessons your journey has given you, for you can then teach them to others... be grateful for love given, love felt and for love lost, for it all has it's place in your soul...

as Meister Eckhart the theologian said

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "Thank You", that would suffice"...

are you gracious in and with your gratitude?

in the space between...

in the space between the silences hums the sounds of humanity,  a space filled with truth and honesty of emotion, pure and unblemished and still unbroken.  rivers of dreams and longings for peace flow softly between the shadows of life...  a pulse, a heartbeat a deep breath of colour, blankets the hallowed fields ready to be nurtured and grown into wisdom, into Love. touch, drink, cleanse your weary being, renew your vision of all that is good and just... feel the deep commitment to your life's lesson... in the space between...

in the space between the notes lies the soul of the composer, the experience that allows the notes to flow from pen to paper, fingertips to keys... in the space between lies the story of life, the sunshine and the pain, the hopes and fears and love... in the space between lies the soul and spirit, a glimpse of the dance, a taste of their being... hear the notes, breathe the melody, whisper the words and live the wonder...

immerse yourself... in the space between...

in the space between the petals, lies my God... filling the seeming void with wonder and Grace... in the space between lies the room to grow and move and worship all that is life... for the space allows the individuality of separate, as part of One. the space between allows for movement and flexibility, for alone-ness... free to be and do, free to become and free to falter... take up your place, take up your life's work and lessons, learn and teach, live and love and worship all that is Holy... celebrate the wonder of all that is and all that shall be... in the space between...

of white roses...

her gown, soft and snowy white against a curtain of green, 

a cascade of petals shimmering in the summer rays like layers of petticoats, 

the soft gentle scent of her perfume wafts on the current, greeting those who stop to greet her... 

like an old friend she is there to welcome them with an upturned smile...

his embrace encompasses her in one quick moment, a return of a summer friend, 

her dance partner, her suitor... she is happy and begins to sway in his gentle grasp... 

two unlikely partners lost in the magic of meeting again...

he takes her hand, and they being their dance again, moving to and fro with no regard for who is watching them, they resume their dance as they have done across the years together, 

he softly guiding her into a waltz of gentle affection... 

she nods, they sway and lose themselves in each other for this graceful moment... of white roses...

say it anyway...

sweating palms, increased heartbeat, beading on the brow, feet nervously shuffling... say it anyway...

unsure of the delivery and more unsure of the reception of the words... say it anyway...

happy words of joy, a proposal... unsteady nerves about to rattle you apart... say it anyway...

a request for an increase, a benefit, a day off for something special... say it anyway...

hard news, tough language of concern, a stern word of concern... say it anyway...

say it from a place of peace and calm, say it from the deepest corner of your heart... 

feel the words wash over your consciousness and 

wrap them in velvet so as to dull the sharp edges of these swords... say it anyway...

hold back only those words which cause hurt or unnecessary harm, say all that you need to say, tempered with peace and with a melody of joy... say them at any opportunity to do so, 

tomorrow may never arise on the horizon again... 

your words, your emotion, your connection to those around you...

your life's narration and poetry, your essence, your soul...

shake the fear, they matter..

say it anyway...

forgiveness...

I offer this to you, forgiveness... forgiveness for all those decisions made in haste... for those not made at all, for they are ultimately still a decision to do nothing instead of act... forgiveness for the words spoken without careful thought of the outcome of letting them free into the universe unedited.... forgiveness for the un-acknowledged feelings, stomped down deep, so as to not feel them and deal with the emotion of opening that Pandora's box of pain and sorrow... forgiveness for the inability to speak up when you knew it was right and moral to do so... forgiveness for not looking past the outward appearance and seeing that the soul underneath needed just a gentle touch to be made whole again...

forgiveness for the judgements, the suspicions and the cloudy view of what really matters... forgiveness for the self doubt, the fear, the questioning of what was true and just... forgiveness for never admitting it was good enough, and by enough, I mean acceptance of doing what we do until we know better... forgiveness for missing that "trying" is better than inaction and that failure can build something stronger... forgiveness for not believing in "us, it , I, we"... I offer forgiveness to you because ultimately you are all I have, and to destroy or deny you the chance to be free, hurts both of us... and that strengthens no one... always there in the shadows, we still exist... forgiveness my love... forgiveness...