five oh...

so here we are at the big Five Zero, 50, so this is how it feels... not bad.. not bad at all.. can't say as I believed I would get here.. wasn't really sure at the outset of my journey that I really had it in me to get this far.. sure to some of you it's no big deal... 50 was long ago... for some of you this milestone is still to come..

it feels good to reach this goal.. a bit of a landmark for me personally and it has been quite a ride... I have enjoyed each step along this path, I have learned much about myself, my spirit and soul and also my abilities, what drives and inspires me... what is true and right for me on my path as a member of this planet we call home... a big thanks to all who have walked this journey along with me...

five oh you ask? oh it's not my birthday... though that isn't far off...

the 50 is my 50th Blog post..

so in honour of my achievement, I gave myself the gold star above...

thank you all for your comments, love and encouragement...

onwards to 100 I say... 

beginnings...

as the last of the May rains give rise to the glorious rays of June sunshine, life is abundant, nature stretches her arms towards the golden rays, warming herself... the fruits of this basking in warm light are everywhere, golden tones of petals unfurling, reds and pinks dot the landscape winking their summer hello... the shades of green cover every tone on the palette... chirps of winged "soon to be parents" can be heard in every tree and shrub, their busy nest building and caring for this years little ones in full force...

a newness hangs in the air, encompassing and holding much like a mother's loving arms... soft sweet whispers of warm days to come, evenings of moon lit skies and soft breezes... ocean waters breaking in time to the beat of life... renewal, rebirth, a reaffirmation of life and breath... a newness of hope and peace... after all that has fallen away, rain and snow - mist filled days... we find ourselves here again... embracing, loving, being... beginnings

skyward...

 though this is not the church I attend every Sunday, it became an important landmark to me over these last 5 weeks, it's the church just outside the grounds of the hospital where my Aunt was being cared for.. it's the oldest church here in BC where I live.. it was floated across the adjacent Fraser river on a barge more than 100 years ago to the spot where it now sits, Bell tower still pointing to the sky... still welcoming worshippers every Sunday.. a small little white clapboard structure with lovingly manicured grounds...

that bell tower became a reminder to pray and give thanks.. give thanks for the time, the life, for the incredible level of care Auntie was receiving from a group of Angels in the hospital... a reminder to give thanks for family and support, along with memories and laughter... those times will last forever... whomever you believe in as your God, just remember that an upward gaze to the heavens, always rewards you with something new.. a bird in flight, cloud formations, a sunset breaking in the distance, a flush of rain to clean away the tears, try it.. see what comes to your soul as you look up... skyward..

miracles...

I was blessed to witness a miracle today, a miracle of life..

I was with a loved one when she passed away..

I say miracle because that is exactly what it feels like it was.. a calm and peaceful end to a wondrous love filled life.. I feel somehow honoured to have been near as she slipped quietly from this world, free of her struggle with illness, much like as in life with no fuss... I sit here only a short couple of hours after saying my final goodbye with a kiss to her forehead and a last touch of her loving hands.. and I am at peace... my heart is broken, shattered and I am missing her sweet laugh already, but to have been present and having her allow me to be so, has no words yet that quite fit the moment... only a stream of tears...

I know that nothing will ever fill the void that her passing leaves in our lives.. see, she was our "go to girl", our source of outstretched arms of Love in ANY situation... she told it like it was but with such grace and style, never an "I told you so" in all the years I was blessed to know her.. she never told you more than she thought you could handle and was the closest I have ever met to real and honest unconditional Love.. if you had a good heart and didn't hurt people, you were her kind of person.. she welcomed into her home and life, anyone we cared for... she was our Matriarch, our glue, our hostess, our counsellor, our Love...
bless you Rita, for the Love, the Grace, the compassion and for being exactly who you were..

I think there were many miracles today, knowing her, loving her and being there to say goodbye... until I can see that smile and feel your touch again, I will carry you in my heart and live the lessons you taught..

the essence of Love...

the essence of Love allows your heart to break, and in that very same moment allows you to comfort those who have also had their hearts broken... 

the essence of Love allows you to let go when your very being wants to hold on tighter... 

the essence of Love is saying "You are allowed to go because we will be ok" and do so with a calm serenity...

the essence of Love clears the way for complete unselfishness and total compassion, for all of our paths lead to the same ultimate destination... 

the essence of Love takes the pain and sorrow and changes it into laughter and smiles and memories... 

the essence of Love holds you in it's power and gives you the strength when it feels like you couldn't possibly go on...

the essence of Love sings the words and the melody when your voice is lost... 

the essence of Love shoulders all the fears and hurt and gives shelter to your bruised soul... 

the essence of Love lives within you and I, easily accessed if you reach for it...

the essence of Love is whatever you need it to be, whenever you need it to be...

the essence of Love is... just is..

I dedicate this post to a wonderful friend D.O. You enabled us today, to share and laugh and pray as we spend the last days with our precious loved one. I love you my friend. 

Ry.

testify...

not in the criminal sense, but in your life's essence sense... testify to all that you are, not only to yourself, but to those blessed to be touched by your presence in their lives.. testify to who you are not what you are,  to what you believe, to what moves and shapes your passions and beliefs.. testify to your visions of how you can leave this garden of humanity better for your having been here for the time you are given..

testify to those on the edges and those in the middle, to those above and below,

for all are integral parts of this strand of time and journey..

be a testament that change is possible and that it absolutely can begin with one small step by one being.. testify to yourself, that "you are enough" just as you are... form the words, sing the song, dance the dance.. you are exactly who you are meant to be..

what can you testify to today...

stop the winds of change...

to stop them blowing, just for a day.. for another day to create memories to carry with me when you are no longer near.. to stop them from taking time, time that feels deep down like it is over too soon.. way too damned soon... you should still be young and vibrant, full of laughter and joy.. full of advice and dreams and hopes and Love... stop them blowing the years and seasons by so quickly, so many hours and minutes carried away in the blink of an eye...

yet in the same storm, needing these winds of change to dry the tears, to heal the shattered and broken hearts of those who will always love you, to blow the pain and grief out of sight and replace it with soft breezes of who you were, who you are still, deep down inside each one of us.. desperately needing these winds to echo your laughter and Grace across the rest of our own years, so that you are always near... let the winds blow gently through the blooming cherry, raining down pink petals of your Love to cover us... make these moments endless.... make these moments timeless..

my 1st Blog Award...

Thank you to http://iamjoross.blogspot.com/ for selecting me for this Blog Award!

I appreciate the support and everyone who drops by Current Ripple... I am loving being part of such a diverse group of extremely talented writers and bloggers!

So as is customary with awards, here are 7 random things about me.

1. Competed in a Tap Dance competition in Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. 1st place!
2. Lived in Adelaide AUS for 4 months when I was 25
3. Have 3 cats, Jasper, Lambeau and Charlie
4. Was trained as a Chef after Graduation
5. I collect hand blown Art Glass
6. Avid gardener
7. dislike flying

Ry

the background of your life...

silently they wait for input, those things once touched but now set aside for other focus, they wait for further instruction, further care, further action.. some slow to a crawl and some stop altogether... some sit frozen waiting for a touch to start them working again.. some fall away and never return to perform their original meanings...

behind you, in memory or just simply forgotten are the things you once held near and dear,  acquaintances from childhood, a workplace, a place of worship, even perhaps a loved one... how they touched your life, even if only briefly, is woven into your story, each interaction adds another thread holding your experience together, even if frayed around the edges...

who or what is this for you.. who or what exists in the space behind you, that place not completely forgotten but that rarely commands your attention.. what treasures are hidden in the background of your life....

music for my soul...

I have written a couple of posts here about music, 2 very specific tunes that have grabbed my ear and refused to let go.. while not a complete music junkie like some I know, my iTunes account does contain four and a half days worth of music if played non stop from beginning to end. some tunes I grew up with, some big band compilations that my parents listened to that are filled with childhood memories.. and then a mix of almost everything else.. but I am finding that the older I get, the more the music touches my life.. I always have something playing in the background, or those melodies as I indicated in my other posts that I play turned up and on repeat, letting the melody and lyrics just wash over my brain... it becomes an almost spiritual experience, sometimes a cleansing to just get lost in... don't get me wrong, I embrace my silent times too, but a river of song just makes my heart dance...

what does it for you? is it music, writing, baking in the kitchen, ...what makes music for your soul...

if...

if it is time for us to say goodbye, then that is what we will do, if it is time to let you go, back to the glorious place from which you came, then we are resigned to this fate,
if you have the strength to fight, if you want to fight, regardless of the outcome, then we will do everything in our power to fight this battle with you... if..

if only to know that the last words we spoke, could be our last, if only to know that you could be cut down so quickly
and,
selfishly, realising that that means the last of many things we shared... if only we could rewind the last week and live it again with the eye to treasuring every single blessed moment...

if you are too tired and want your rest, then when you are ready, it is ok to go.. for none of us will stand in your way, as that is not how or what you have taught us, that is not who you have groomed us to be...
our tears will be solely for ourselves and those tears will be plentiful,
because to say goodbye will hurt like hell...

if you didn't know, you are loved in the same way as you loved us, without judgement, loved for who you are, for all those things you went out of your way to do, things that were not your responsibility,
you took them and us on as your own, because you wouldn't have had it any other way..

if this is to be our final chapter, there is comfort in knowing that we shall meet again..
where the sky meets the stars, I shall find you again one day, free and young and whole...

you are loved...

intended purpose...

what is my/our purpose? why are you here? what does my life mean? how many times we have heard these and similar questions pondered... dramatic life experience tends to rapid fire these questions through my being.. the sudden death of a loved one, the abrupt end of employment, the crushing devastation of ending the bond with a lover..

I wonder though, if we had appeared here in this life, with a plan all mapped out for us, with every step and accomplishment a certainty, a forgone conclusion, how many would still fight to find their "real" purpose...

would it change your longing to know your intended purpose?

like the violets above whose purpose is to blossom and bloom, so too should we, grow, blossom, and share our beauty with this world and each other for the time we are blessed to be here and present.. spread your colours and talent, brighten someones day, leave this place better than when you arrived.. let your outlook grow and sow some seeds of compassion... love and be loved for you, warts and all...

our intended purpose,

it's in you to awaken..

 it's in you to be...

my heart always knows...

my heart always knows exactly where to place everything in my life.. it always knows the path that my feet should tread steadily onwards.. it always knows how to respond to criticism , judgement, abandonment, aloneness.. it knows how to soar with joy and peace and spirit.. it knows how to be humble and wise and soft and silent..

my heart always knows how to respond to my lack of judgement in refusing to follow it's lead, how to curl the hard and jagged edges of my rebellion into a new form... gently nudging me back on course... full of grace and love... when I feel that my existence is less than or should be more than what it is compared to whomever, my heart always knows that transformation can and will take place.. coaxing me back to it's love song for me.. my heart always knows.. always..



for all time...

I long for a way for my path to connect to where you are.. a distance of years gone, but you, never forgotten.. a way for my heart to beat with yours once more, to feel the love of your smile, the kiss of your soft hand on my cheek.. all these things that had yet to be shared with you, all those words yet to be formed into afternoons of conversation and closeness of spirit.. moments of peace and silence overflowing with soul based understanding of each others space in this world... you and I just being, and understanding just how precious it was to be that capable of non-judgement and quiet bliss..
I know with certainty that we will again, some day, be in each others blessed company, and that those moments will be filled with stories and hopes and dreams fulfilled...
for this sweet moment, we exist for each other as a touchstone, a reminder of good and great and grand...
for you are just you,     just you...      for all time....

awakening...

 alive, breathing, stretching, budding, blooming, sun soaked petals, birdsong and sweet scent,

graceful arched ancient branches of pink ruffles of cotton candy, a rain shower of tiny angels wings drifting on the slight currents of air..

tiny bundles of spring birth and life, cherry and apple ready to burst forth with abundance, can you feel it, does your spirit dance with anticipation of warm days and a world alive with newness.... can you feel...
the awakening.....