wrapped in splendour...

we enter this world wrapped in the love of our parents... their protective arms fending off any ill that comes our way... their love pours out in joy and knows no bounds of happiness... they revel in each new skill, each new word spoken, they applaud our first steps, our first complete sentences, they cringe at our first triumphant "No!" and watch as we begin our journey towards adulthood... wrapped in their guidance, we begin our life's symphony, we push, we learn, we fall, we stand, we cry and we laugh... wrapped in this love, we strike out on our own path, their love stretches to encompass us wherever we find ourselves... we live our mistakes, we grow in confidence, we form our own ideas and concepts about what it is to be alive in this world... always tethered to our beginnings, always wrapped in splendour...

years bloom and blossom into bouquets of memories, we build our own place in line, forge our own identities and beliefs, but always we are still theirs, their dreams and wants and needs for us... to be successful, to be warm and loving, to make a difference that perhaps they wish they themselves had made... decisions they wish they could change and see in our dance of life... always wrapped carefully in their affection... and as our turn to be who they have been begins to dawn on the horizon, we step back and take up the mantle of our destiny, full of confidence tinged with a tear of sadness, for nothing escapes this life's journey... all that lives must come to it's final destination... all that was falls away and we are left with love... the power to be who we need to be on our own... hold tight, embrace long and often... feel the moments, drink the sweetness of being called to this place of beauty... give thanks for the moment, give thanks for the journey, bask in the joy and feel the warmth... open to be... wrapped in splendour...

gracious gratitude...

gratitude... the word gets alot of airplay these days, especially after Miss O's "Gratitude Journal" became word of mouth, and a wonderful practice to undertake... a way to remind ourselves to give thanks for all that we are given and provided... all that we can and do take for granted daily, hourly, minute by minute... a way to sort through what really matters, a way rid ourselves of the fluff and flash that life throws unceasingly at us... sometimes though, I think we too readily "off the cuff" so to speak, fire off our gratitude without a second thought as to the delivery... a quick "thanks" because it is polite to do so, without feeling the words leave our lips... how much better to be gracious with our gratitude and allow the moment to be truly and fully felt...

think of what it would mean to you if someone said "Thank you, your attention to me is really heartfelt, and has made my day exceptional"... there is a difference between "efficient" and "effective"...
efficient is to run through the process politely... effective leaves a flavour of special-ness in it's wake...
think of the last time you had excellent customer service somewhere, and the difference in the clerk who took an "interest" rather than "took a number" in the way they assisted you...  the 2 seconds of time it takes to stretch out the gratitude for ourselves or someone else, can change history... who knows who you will change and impact by your willingness to be grateful...
what you put out truly returns to you two or threefold... and it's easy to do...

gratitude... speak it without reserve or hesitation... pray it humbly... receive it graciously, for if someone creates a blessed moment to shower you with it, do not turn away from their gift... give thanks for all that you are capable of in this place... be thankful for your skills, and that you are able to share them, be thankful for the lessons your journey has given you, for you can then teach them to others... be grateful for love given, love felt and for love lost, for it all has it's place in your soul...

as Meister Eckhart the theologian said

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "Thank You", that would suffice"...

are you gracious in and with your gratitude?

in the space between...

in the space between the silences hums the sounds of humanity,  a space filled with truth and honesty of emotion, pure and unblemished and still unbroken.  rivers of dreams and longings for peace flow softly between the shadows of life...  a pulse, a heartbeat a deep breath of colour, blankets the hallowed fields ready to be nurtured and grown into wisdom, into Love. touch, drink, cleanse your weary being, renew your vision of all that is good and just... feel the deep commitment to your life's lesson... in the space between...

in the space between the notes lies the soul of the composer, the experience that allows the notes to flow from pen to paper, fingertips to keys... in the space between lies the story of life, the sunshine and the pain, the hopes and fears and love... in the space between lies the soul and spirit, a glimpse of the dance, a taste of their being... hear the notes, breathe the melody, whisper the words and live the wonder...

immerse yourself... in the space between...

in the space between the petals, lies my God... filling the seeming void with wonder and Grace... in the space between lies the room to grow and move and worship all that is life... for the space allows the individuality of separate, as part of One. the space between allows for movement and flexibility, for alone-ness... free to be and do, free to become and free to falter... take up your place, take up your life's work and lessons, learn and teach, live and love and worship all that is Holy... celebrate the wonder of all that is and all that shall be... in the space between...

of white roses...

her gown, soft and snowy white against a curtain of green, 

a cascade of petals shimmering in the summer rays like layers of petticoats, 

the soft gentle scent of her perfume wafts on the current, greeting those who stop to greet her... 

like an old friend she is there to welcome them with an upturned smile...

his embrace encompasses her in one quick moment, a return of a summer friend, 

her dance partner, her suitor... she is happy and begins to sway in his gentle grasp... 

two unlikely partners lost in the magic of meeting again...

he takes her hand, and they being their dance again, moving to and fro with no regard for who is watching them, they resume their dance as they have done across the years together, 

he softly guiding her into a waltz of gentle affection... 

she nods, they sway and lose themselves in each other for this graceful moment... of white roses...

say it anyway...

sweating palms, increased heartbeat, beading on the brow, feet nervously shuffling... say it anyway...

unsure of the delivery and more unsure of the reception of the words... say it anyway...

happy words of joy, a proposal... unsteady nerves about to rattle you apart... say it anyway...

a request for an increase, a benefit, a day off for something special... say it anyway...

hard news, tough language of concern, a stern word of concern... say it anyway...

say it from a place of peace and calm, say it from the deepest corner of your heart... 

feel the words wash over your consciousness and 

wrap them in velvet so as to dull the sharp edges of these swords... say it anyway...

hold back only those words which cause hurt or unnecessary harm, say all that you need to say, tempered with peace and with a melody of joy... say them at any opportunity to do so, 

tomorrow may never arise on the horizon again... 

your words, your emotion, your connection to those around you...

your life's narration and poetry, your essence, your soul...

shake the fear, they matter..

say it anyway...

forgiveness...

I offer this to you, forgiveness... forgiveness for all those decisions made in haste... for those not made at all, for they are ultimately still a decision to do nothing instead of act... forgiveness for the words spoken without careful thought of the outcome of letting them free into the universe unedited.... forgiveness for the un-acknowledged feelings, stomped down deep, so as to not feel them and deal with the emotion of opening that Pandora's box of pain and sorrow... forgiveness for the inability to speak up when you knew it was right and moral to do so... forgiveness for not looking past the outward appearance and seeing that the soul underneath needed just a gentle touch to be made whole again...

forgiveness for the judgements, the suspicions and the cloudy view of what really matters... forgiveness for the self doubt, the fear, the questioning of what was true and just... forgiveness for never admitting it was good enough, and by enough, I mean acceptance of doing what we do until we know better... forgiveness for missing that "trying" is better than inaction and that failure can build something stronger... forgiveness for not believing in "us, it , I, we"... I offer forgiveness to you because ultimately you are all I have, and to destroy or deny you the chance to be free, hurts both of us... and that strengthens no one... always there in the shadows, we still exist... forgiveness my love... forgiveness...

with the flow...

I recently purchased a "new to me" DSLR camera and have been having a blast learning to optimize my switch to the digital world... I have been a film holdout until this year and still have a film camera for those outings where I want to live on the edge with not being able to look at the pics until after developing.

I  took a photo seminar that was offered locally a few weeks ago and learned how to use a longer shutter speed to create the silk look of flowing water... playing with ISO and Aperture to create some interesting slow shots...

the flowing column fountains come out looking like tall ghosts with silky trails at their feet...

looks like sweet melting icing...

so much fun to slow everything down and stretch out the oxygen bubbles into white satin... these are all as they came out of the camera.. I have not retouched any of these images in post production...

was a fun afternoon of crawling around this courtyard, trying out different shutter speeds.....

I am enjoying my passion for photography in conjunction with my writing... both a great outlet for creativity and exploration... what do you indulge in that takes you away from the day to day and fills your mind with unlimited possibilities...

pleasing petunias...

posting picture perfect pretty purple petunias.....

 I think I will let them say all that needs to be said...

 see these are one of my favourite annuals... baskets and baskets of them.... purple or red....

such deep vibrant personalities. faces to the sun... 

perfectly perfect...

for the first time...

"for the first time" is the title to my latest can't possibly live without piece of music... sung by "The Script" from the UK... link is at the bottom of my post... I had listened to the lyrics many times before... but today the words hit my brain... maybe it was the continuous loop on my iPod but they sank in today... I started feeling the words and letting them flow into my life and all my experiences... he sings about his girlfriend but I let the words drift to encompass myself and I...

maybe it's the approaching 44th birthday that has me waxing philosophical but I find myself looking at who is looking back at me in the mirror and it sometimes feels that we are meeting for the first time...

who is this dude with the increasingly grey hair looking back at me... I know he is a good guy, but could he have been more, given more, loved better, been more patient...

not been so damned scared of everything...

how have all my experiences been engraved onto the face I see... this person I present to this world, friends and family...

I am at that age where I remember my parents and the more "mature" people in my world starting to leave us... more funerals than weddings, seeing their pain as they moved their loved ones into care or into hospice for their final days... all the broken hearts and all the "jack" drunk alone in the local bar... all the smiling but at the same time close to tears... all those ripples under the surface that we all smooth over so as not to be "that person" who is always in the shit... never has anything together... the one we all avoid....

I'm not giving up, not by a long shot, I just really wonder do we really ever know that we made a real difference to this place, the people we know, this great, colourful mural of humanity... do our brushstrokes even count... are we even supposed to know?

I look around my life and it is a good one, I have few regrets, but have at the same time, never truly "had it all"... or maybe I have, but just used the wrong scale to judge... always seem to have had employment that I loved, and when it wasn't great anymore, had the strength to walk away and allow a new door to open, family is good, those I have chosen to call "family" have my back, and I theirs... but the great love of my life eludes me, and maybe that is my lot in life... I am loved, that much I know down to my core, but I have never been able to hold on to a significant other... never found quite the right balance between holding on and letting go I guess... maybe that's my lesson this go round... that and patience... not good at either...

So I put it out there, look around and look deep, look at those eyes in the mirror and all the secrets and fears, love and tears, laughter and joy...
what would you say to that face if you were to meet it again for the first time...
maybe take it further, honour who you see, love who you see, respect who you see, cherish and comfort who you see looking back at you.. .
for some of us doing that, will truly be the feeling that you're meeting ... for the first time...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPEBN2dVNUY

raindrops...

late spring rain showers, glistening drops of silver hang like decorations glinting light... stretching their tenuous grasp till they finally finish their downward journey...

slipping and sliding along lubricated leaves and buds... nourishing life... scrubbing clean... refreshing...

 highlighting shades of green and reflecting the subdued rays of light... perched as if ready to take flight...

pooling and gathering together until branches now too heavy to carry their visitors weight, bend a farewell sending cascades of droplets on to their next destination...

freshened air, clean and sweetened dampness... life giving essence... let it rain down....

an apology...

an apology to the world this morning after the events in Vancouver last evening... as many of you no doubt woke up to headlines of riots in Vancouver after losing the Stanley Cup to the Boston Bruins, I feel compelled to put forth a few words...

disgusted does not even come close to being the best word to describe how I and the majority of Vancouverites and Canadians feel this morning after such a senseless and thoughtless display by a few undesirables... people in this world riot because they are oppressed, because they have no other choice in how to get the worlds attention, people riot to stand up to corrupt Governments...
last night a few "Canadians" rioted at the loss of a hockey game... again.. as in 1994

it saddens me as a Canadian today, to have these people be a representation of my country... a country built on peace and peace keeping... a country where people are free and can live a life they choose, yes like most countries we have our issues, but we are a great land, a warm and gracious people... generally respected around the globe... but today... sadness and horror...

have we learned nothing? mob mentality aside, are we so spoiled in this country that to lose a hockey game means becoming less than human... destroying property and people's businesses because...why...

I ask each of you who read my posts to understand that this incident was the actions of a few, mindless self absorbed obviously disturbed individuals who do not represent the people of this country I call home... disheartened I ask you to look at us as a whole nation...
let your thoughts of Canadians be coloured by the works of the majority and not the deeds of a few...

allow us to rise above the headlines and be your neighbours, without fear and unease with us... we are good people and we stretch out our hands to you...

for you...

when the words no longer come

we will speak them for you..

when the memories have been misplaced

we will remember them for you..

when the faces you see, you no longer recognize

we will remember them for you..

when the stories no longer flow from your lips,

we will share them for you..

when your dreams are out of reach,

we will dream them for you..

for you, are ours

and we bask in our love for you..

for you taught us much

and we walk those lessons for you..

for you are part of who we are

and we wear that knowledge for you..

for you loved us deeply

and we share our love for you..

though I personally do not walk alongside someone with mental illness, I am close to a family that does. A father being lost too soon by Alzheimer's... I offer up what words came to me as comfort, love and support for some very wonderful people... remember, rejoice and relive the journeys... those memories will carry you through the tough times, the tears and the heartache... love is infinite and everlasting, traversing this existence and keeping those we love, alive and in our souls... anyone lost in the journey of loss and letting go, I also offer this.. for you...

miss b...

let me tell you about miss b.. who incidentally will probably be horrified that I chose this medium to praise our friendship... she doesn't like a fuss made, but somehow Hallmark just didn't have anything even close to what I wanted to say....

see miss b is another of my "go to girl's" I am blessed to have in my life... friend, teacher, counsellor, confidant... an all round classy lovely lady... blessed with a strong compassionate soul, an office door and home that is always open and without a shadow of a doubt, the one person I know if I called at any time of day for any reason she would be there in an instant to help out... even if that meant by train, plane or camel for that matter... she has a firm grip on the mantra of "talk less and listen more" when it is important to do so, always a multi-faceted outlook of the issue and an instinctual gentle command of delivery of solutions...

I don't think it is my ability to read people that has created my wonderful "family" in so much as being open to what the universe provides to me to be the best I can be... miss b and I started out as co-workers but it has moved beyond office walls and time-sheets to a mutual trust and caring for each other... miss b at the age of, well let's put it above 5 years old, blessed me with being flower girl at my wedding 2 years ago... finally trumping her own sister who has yet to don said title...
it is one of my most treasured memories, and thankfully on film for all of eternity...

so miss b, thank you for the quiet reserved grace and love that flows my way from your heart to mine... thank you for making the loss of my loved one a much smoother and gentler road to traverse... thank you for allowing me to unload every morning even if that meant revisiting memories of your own who suffered the same illness... thank you for the friendship, the laughter the warmth and caring... for living your life this way,

honouring me as you have done, has also honoured my family in the same way... Aunty knew who you were from my sharing of you with her... and I know that she too was thankful that I had such a lovely spirited soul with me on my journey... you were her "kind of people", and to me, that says everything...

journeys...

 a first tentative step.. the sudden idea of seeing a new vista and setting out to discover it... a birth unto a death... a thought conceived and brought to life... the minutes and hours of a life lived until it's time comes to an end... meeting, sharing, loving and parting... journeys that begin and move us through days of heartbeats and dreams... those of self realization, self doubt and those of profound accomplishment... journeys down that footpath which is familiar and soothing... journeys of painful recollection and reconciliation with our own faults and frailties... pen to paper or fingertips to keyboard keys laying out thoughts and heart reared prose...

journeys... compelling, angst filled, remembrance... the aroma of fresh baked delights jolting you back to age whatever... a grandmother's laughter and grace... each breath in, filling lungs and life essence, each a sacred journey to be honoured... each to be held and tasted and savoured as a glass of sweet wine offered to the very depths of your knowing, worshipped and filled with thanks... start a journey today... plant the seeds of awareness in your movements... scatter those seeds and let them fall on others paths where they may take root and flourish, leaving a hint of who you are... bless your journey with honouring all of it's moments, the hills and the valleys... may you be truly blessed with each road you face on your own journey...

home...

home is where the heart is, so the saying goes, not sure if I am completely on board with that, it's definitely where my "stuff" is.. bits and bods, this and that, treasures and mementos picked up along this life path.. but my heart, it can be found many places besides my humble abode...

as the song says "I've left my heart..." in many places on this planet... Adelaide AUS for example.. spent 4 months there years ago and the sweet, warm Aussies, kept a piece of my heart when I came back to Canada... as did the Jamaicans in Montego Bay when I took my sister there for her 21st birthday... their cool accent, wonderful food and amazing azure blue clean waters... yup, you can definitely find my heart there sipping some Appleton Rum... a piece of me stayed behind in London, at St Paul's Cathedral, on Tower Bridge, in Piccadilly Circus...

don't get me wrong, I love my home, cozy and warm, kittens curled up sleeping on various surfaces that they find comfortable, my garden growing and bursting into bloom and sweet scent... a place to hide myself away from anything and anyone when the soul needs some down time... a place to show off my entertaining skills, my party prowess if you will, loving and laughing with friends and family...

where is it for you? your home... is it where you are now, is it someplace you have come from and long to return to... personal and private, inviting and warm, is it the place where your heart is.... home