I haven't been here for way too long. My connection to that place where the words come from has been silent and dry. My fingers idled by the lack of motivation. My soul has not been unfulfilled in this absence though. It has continued to strive and grow and soar.
Until today....
What looms on the horizon has filled me with passion and feeling, my connectedness to that which drives my thoughts and the overwhelming need to sit and let the words flow forth, has come back like a dam broken by too much rain..
The promise of You, has shifted my creativity into overdrive. Waiting for you has sharpened my gaze and quickened my heart... 11 days since our last emails to each other, and each one seems like a century..
Letters arranged into words, arranged into sentences, arranged into emails of hopeful promise of something reborn.. my heart reborn...
Am I ready for this? I know that God only brings to me what I am ready and capable of living when I am ready. His guidance has never steered me down a path before it was my time to make that journey. In that knowledge I have trust absolute.
Waiting for you.. it's a double layered event.. waiting for you to return from your journey, a journey you indicated you needed.. I wait to hear the back story, was it needed to escape, to clear your mind, to regroup and refocus.. was it needed to repair and mend something recently broken... my mind races with the reasons, be they mountainous or of no decidedly important value... I can't wait to have you close and hear what has, was and is on your heart..
Your heart...
In what I have read thus far, seems so fairly matched to mine. That in itself is both so succulently sweet and dismally terrifying all in the same moment. Am I ready to nurture and hold anothers love, treat it as precious, forgive its transgressions and allow it to meld with mine? Have I learned my lessons, have I walked the work, walked the healing enough to be who I so want to be in partnership with who I feel you are. Yes, they are only words written at this point, but the way they are, the words and punctuation used, have a flavour so much like my own. They feel so familiar and comfortable.. they feel like home.
If you were to read this right now, I can only imagine you running terrified from my side, I mean who would feel this deeply about someone they have yet to hold, yet to kiss, yet to be with. I guess I am incapable of setting a definable limit to my imagination. When someone intrigues me the way that you have, I lust for more knowledge about your exquisite soul. I thirst for every tidbit of contact, every idea, every passion that you embody. Will you feel the same when..... we.. kiss...
Some day, I will show you this, maybe on our 1st anniversary, and you will see how much I felt for you from day one. I hope that you will feel more loved than the very first moment we knew.. I hope that I will have been able to soothe your hurts, dry your tears, and make your heart sing the way you will have done for mine.
I hope I will have lived up to your expectations, I hope I will have given freely of my unending love, I hope that my affection and passion for you has grown day by day and that I acknowledge how amazing you are to me. If there have been disagreements, I hope that I have been the first to apologize and the first to set things right. I hope that I have been steadfast in my support for your decisions, and have been a gentle place to fall when this world throws its worst at you. I hope that I will have been able to let you know, that no matter the distance between us, that you are the most important person to me, and that your giving of yourself to me in the same way, is everything to me.
Waiting for you, has taken a lifetime of steps, a mountain of lessons and an unwavering willingness to be open to the day you would finally arrive. That day is to be celebrated, celebrated on each day after that...
I am here, waiting for you... my arms, my heart and my soul... here waiting for your arrival my Love...
