Thursday, July 28, 2011

what happened to Love...

I was at odds with myself about writing this post... but the more I watch my neighbours in the US trying to destroy each other every day with an onslaught of barbs and jabs and hate speech, the more I felt moved to offer up my perspective...

so yes, I am a gay man (born this way, it is not a choice we make, never let anyone tell you that it is chosen any more so than you chose to be straight.. those who profess to be cured (ex-gay), were never gay to begin with)... a loving, caring, soulful, spiritual man, who is an active member of society, I volunteer, I work in my church, I support my friends fiercely with their causes and they know I would always be there for them if they needed me... I strive to excel in my workplace and I am respected for my work ethic and my contributions... I hold my family in the highest regard, and they bless me with the same love... I love my God and I am blessed in return with more in this life than I could have ever imagined myself... I am respected for "Who" I am, for what I contribute, for this person you see before you...

But what I am not, just to cut through the stereotypes, is promiscuous, into children, wanting to marry my dog, have "Special" rights ahead of anyone else. Nor am I a child of Satan as "Michael Bresciani" has deemed Gay people to be. I wish for the same protections/rights/freedoms/respect/benefits as everyone else. I have no hidden agenda, no secret recruitment scheme, no conversion tactics, no ulterior motive. I am not broken, misguided, evil, sick or less than.. I am exactly as I was created...

I want the same things as everyone else, to find love, to cherish each other for our similarities and our differences, to be respected, to be heard, to be treated with dignity and to make a difference in whatever way that I can. For so long gay people have been labelled as promiscuous, and I will agree that many are, just as many hetero persons are. Hit any bar/nightclub on a weekend and the behaviour you can witness is not so different in either community. However, to then deny us the opportunity to show that we are in committed, loving, respectful relationships/marriages, removes our opportunity to show that we function just like the majority. Stable, loving beneficial partnerships just as the rest of you enjoy. Same but different is not equal. I have never understood the argument that "Same Sex Marriage" cheapens traditional marriage... how? How does my love for my partner and wanting that to be something beautiful, cheapen the love you feel for your loved one? How does it change your bond with each other? I am blessed to live in a country that granted us the right to marriage equality, and have been married.

I was once asked by a friend, quite sincerely "What does it feel like to be in love with another man?" I simply told her that my feelings of love, felt exactly the same as it did for her... I watched as she sat for a couple of minutes, and then the look on her face changed, the light bulb went on and she apologised for the question... she proclaimed "I had never even considered that it would be that simple"... I can only speculate as to why she had never considered that the emotional connection would be the same for me as for her, but her one question and my openness changed her life that day.

I am not going to wade into the Religious argument here as the mud slinging in the name of God is fodder for numerous other posts, other than to say we were commanded to Love each other... judgements and hate filled speech in His name, doesn't fly with me, regardless of which side of the issue you are on.

We seem, as inhabitants of this planet, to have a need to vilify on an ongoing basis.. pick a segment of society that has not been targeted in history.. Blacks, Jews, Mexicans, Japanese etc etc etc... what is our flaw? Why do we have the need to take down that which we find different from ourselves? What if you or your family was next?

Whatever your beliefs, let us remember that we are all "people"... flesh and bone, full of dreams, wants, needs and the deep rooted desire to be accepted and nurtured... we are "All" special, we are all worth something, we are all valuable... we are all really "not so different" from each other...

temper your words, lead with Love, speak with kindness, we are all bothers and sisters of humanity...

go out into this great world, love your neighbour, and most importantly, Love yourself...


  1. Dear Ry,
    I loved this post of urs. for many reasons. I truly from the bottom of my heart appreciate you and respect u even more now, for standing up and sharing with us what you 'are' and how wonderfully you own up to it.
    few years back we had a Gay Peer Pride Parade here in Delhi, few of my friends went to cheer the people, but I didn't. I still do not know why. But today this post of urs has made me aware and respect those who call themselves homosexuals. Sure they are no different people, perhaps the only thing that differs is their 'choice' and as long as they are no harm to others, they should not be harmed as well..I'm glad that you have the support of your loved ones.. and I'm also glad that times are changing, since in India it was considered illegal to be a homosexual, an ACT which has now been brought down....kudos to you and your spirit!:)
    Best wishes

    PS: Thank you for this post!:)

  2. Aakriti, thank you for your comments.
    1 misconception though, that we "choose" to be this way. Let me assure you, I nor more chose this than you did to be straight, or the colour of your eyes, the colour of your hair. People first.

  3. Ryan, I cannot imagine what it is like for you when society labels who you are and who you love as "unnatural" or "immoral." I can't imagine.

    But I don't have to imagine the courage it took for you to write this post as it opens up my understanding. It does not change my initial impression of you as the person I took to be spiritual, one who has deep gratitude for the simple beauty, the simple things, and the people in his life.

    Take care.

  4. Thank you Mila.. I have been very fortunate to be surrounded with wonderful people who express the same sentiment you do. Bless you.