a seasonal snapshot...

a sweet symphony...

each second we breathe,

is another note added to the original score of our life's sweet symphony,

each tap of the conductor's baton,

sets in motion the scales and harmonies of our existence...

the flats, the sharps, the slow simple melody of sadness,

or the brisk triumphant march of Love..

each modulation adding another layer,

deepening the experience...

this symphony encapsulates our entire existence, each new song, pinning itself to

where we were upon it's first journey through our soul..

the feeling and emotions, the sights and sounds,

all to become inextricably linked to the notes as they roll like waves onto the shore...

we walk our own tempo in time to our hearts rhythm,

this waltz of one spirit...

we search for our accompanist,

the one who completes the score and makes it magical...

our singular chords entwine to become a danced celebration,

harmonies blending to wrap us together in a soft cocoon of sweet perfection,

these days stretch out across the page

as we find our souls partner,

our beloved Duet...

breathe deeply these dulcet tones of affection,

and let them cleanse past somber concertos of their heavy notes,

replacing them with singing strings and soothing woodwinds,

drink the notes of this complete love

embrace this ballad of you and I

an Adagio, written for us...

a little glitz...

so, here we are.. rocketing towards another Christmas (yes I am using the "C" word) Season... filled with bright eyed kiddies, stressed out parents, the shopping, the hustle and the bustle, the wrapping, the mailing, and the chocolate.. oh let's talk about the chocolate... chocolate... but I digress...

I am avoiding the stress this year, have basically no shopping to do for anyone, well unless I myself spot that glittery trinket that I just have to have... I guess it's another one of those stages of getting older, when the gifts of the gatherings are about conversation and catching up, rather than the gifts of "stuff"...

don't get me wrong, the giving of gifts is still something I love to do, but now on a more personal nature, more often something "just because" more fits where I am right now.. the surprise "something" that shows up on a friends desk, or the arrival of an "I appreciate you" card in their mailbox... just those personal I was thinking about you and wanted you to know you are special to me, marked not by a single day on the calendar, but because, just because...
I sent a wicked arrangement of flowers to my Boss, who happens to be a beautiful friend, some months ago, and I only signed the card with "We appreciate everything that you do"... she still has no idea who sent them... that is my kind of giving...

I am also not giving to VISA this year, which makes me happy... I won't have to wait with baited breath come January to heft the 8 page bill onto the kitchen counter, enjoying at last, the hangover from overindulging my pin protected chip card...

So what about you? Have your giving ideals changed this year? Have you cut back, cut down, revved it up? What say you Christmas Shoppers?

now... where is the chocolate...

transformed...

it's like a life preserver, buoyant and suspending.. lifting up from the deep into the bright lights of day...
each word written, filled with hope and promise and something so fresh and rare to find... honesty and mystery all wrapped into letters and sentences, prose...

you take my breath away,

in the little things already...

you never forget in brief quiet moments, to reach out and remind me that you are here, finally here... and me knowing that in these moments.. I too am here.. fully present and cognizant of each consonant and vowel lined up in a narrative of Love...
reaching out and grasping these thoughts and visions and dreams that have been revealed as the fog dissipates silently away... finally...

this is a story of Love which has no bounds and no chains... free to be explored and ingested and danced and sung... just one day like this, feels divine, the prospect of another and another and another feels almost indulgent, but they are ours to be lived... hand in hand, heart in heart we tread onwards to this destiny laid before us, a gift of here and now, a reward for the battle scars of the past, a reward for the unending faith that yes, this is possible and I will claim my share...

and then having you read my words, and understand where they flow from and not run from such powerful emotions, lets me glimpse deep within your spirit and see the mirror images of our longings... for you are just as present in this moment... just as ready to be fulfilled and nurtured and loved for exactly who you are today... scars, fractures and dents.. for they have lent a patina to your story which is only gained from having walked each step onwards in the face of life's onslaught...

as we walk forward and begin to intertwine our existence together like heavy fruit laden grape vines, know that I am now who I was prepared to be for our journey, and that along this path I will walk beside you, until such time as you can not go on, then I shall carry you...

for my beloved, you have saved me and enriched my journey... I am blessed and transformed...

so suddenly... "You"

so suddenly, the clouds are shifting, the thick and oppressive layer of heaviness that has walked with me for these last months is starting to clear... out of the blue, pardon the pun, the air is clean and crisp and I can see the lesson hidden in all of those dark days...

"hold what is precious as if it were your own fragile glass heart,

and nurture the mystery of Love with all of your soul.."

the loss these last 12 months or so has been immense, as I have said before, more than in the last decade, and while travelling this highway, I searched for the meaning, the lesson I was to take away from all of this grief... as I am writing this, the sun is now breaking through the clouds in the sky, spilling across my face, almost signalling that I have gotten it right, that this road was one of reflection and renewal... beginnings from what had been endings... that there are still hopes and dreams and Love...

as the footsteps of my days gone past fade into the distance behind me, I can now look inward at those who no longer walk with me, and understand that their leaving was not a punishment, but instead a blessed reminder that to have loved and been in their company, however long or short, is the true gift of this place we inhabit... I understand that their gifts to me of time and laughter and love, have now become like finely woven silk, meant to cover and drape me in the essence of who they were... you may be gone physically, but I can taste the flavours of your lives now almost for the first time... and you grant me the ability to move on...

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so suddenly, I can brush away the tears, and focus on "You", striding towards me, arms outstretched and heart offered to me without impediment... "You" who have searched just as I have done, whose fears and anticipation of this connection have been wrapped up in hope and longing...

"You" reached up and tore open the sky, bringing back the blue and gold, bathing me in understanding, clarity and anticipation...
"You" who have presented yourself, here and now, the messenger of all that was to be clarified... the catalyst for this amazing transformation out of darkness into Love.

a new road stretching out in front of our existence, paved as most others with hills and valleys, some mountains and detours, but filled also with possibility and adventure...

I raise my eyes skyward, and give Thanks for lessons learned,

I give Thanks for blessings that flow like snow fed rivers...

and I Thank "You",

just so suddenly You...

I dedicate this post to "MZ", for being You, when I needed You to be.



tangled...

its all just seems so tangled up lately, everything knotted together, nothing working the way it should be... too many people passing away, and way too close to each other.. not that there ever is a good time "to go"

I have been carrying this feeling in the pit of my stomach, it seems to be always present lately, it's kept me from writing, from smiling, from being present... it's just there... tangled.. a rolling mess of anxiety, uncertainty and unease...

errors in judgement with a loved one has lead to a hopeful rebuilding process, which is better than the alternative, but none the less, a situation I would not have normally created for myself...

yet at the same time, some wonderful things have been going on, more opportunity to serve my church, an opportunity at work to be part of the integration of a new system, requests for my humble photography talents at a high profile event.. many good things to be thankful for, yet it's still there, rumbling deep down.. unshakable it seems...

I just don't know how to shake this feeling... it's almost dread like... I know it's the culmination of a years worth of loss as I have written about before.. I get that.. I just need to catch my heart up to my head...

It feels a little bit like I am pining away for something, someone... just out of reach and yet so close...

it looks a lot like the dark clouds swirling overhead outside my window right now, with off in the distance, a clearing, some blue beautiful sky... perhaps I can hope for the same clearing, my movement towards clarifying skies and some needed enlightenment...

that which sometimes breaks us, is also filled with lessons and knowledge...