tangled...

its all just seems so tangled up lately, everything knotted together, nothing working the way it should be... too many people passing away, and way too close to each other.. not that there ever is a good time "to go"

I have been carrying this feeling in the pit of my stomach, it seems to be always present lately, it's kept me from writing, from smiling, from being present... it's just there... tangled.. a rolling mess of anxiety, uncertainty and unease...

errors in judgement with a loved one has lead to a hopeful rebuilding process, which is better than the alternative, but none the less, a situation I would not have normally created for myself...

yet at the same time, some wonderful things have been going on, more opportunity to serve my church, an opportunity at work to be part of the integration of a new system, requests for my humble photography talents at a high profile event.. many good things to be thankful for, yet it's still there, rumbling deep down.. unshakable it seems...

I just don't know how to shake this feeling... it's almost dread like... I know it's the culmination of a years worth of loss as I have written about before.. I get that.. I just need to catch my heart up to my head...

It feels a little bit like I am pining away for something, someone... just out of reach and yet so close...

it looks a lot like the dark clouds swirling overhead outside my window right now, with off in the distance, a clearing, some blue beautiful sky... perhaps I can hope for the same clearing, my movement towards clarifying skies and some needed enlightenment...

that which sometimes breaks us, is also filled with lessons and knowledge...