well I made it. this is officially my
One Hundredth post! I never would have thought last January, when I began this new endeavor, that I would hit this milestone in a year. As I look back, I can see how my writing has changed, I see the fun posts, and I see some filled with deep pain and loss. I thought it fitting, to take a stroll back through the past 12 months and bring what I felt was a highlight from each month and share it again with you. Each post title is a link back to the original.
January - writing, the process...
As a child I stood on the shore of the world,
bathed in the light of Something or Someone I as of yet did not know
caressed by the breeze and warmed in the Light,
my Soul was filled and my Spirit took flight,
like so many wings above me
February - there is a purpose...
But in the midst of all of this, as usually happens for me..something began to bloom.. there is a purpose to that which serves to knock us on our butts, which clears the mind of all the "small stuff" we gather around ourselves. The sudden clarity of my existence, what really matters, and what really doesn't. We are here for a reason, each one of us has a purpose for being where we are, who we are. Some become Leaders, teachers, scholars, but our own lives, how we live them, how we love them, is always why we are here. I read a quote the other day that ran something like "your life is precious and has value, if someone else could do what your life is intended to do, you wouldn't be here" and that shifted me.
feel
the breath fill you, welcoming in all that is history,
know that it changes you, heals you, educates you
taste it's dreams and colours, bask in it's flavours
feel it's tears, acknowledge it's essence
exhale..
and repeat..
for you are also now it's history
April - who will people say you were...
of all the stuff that we gather, that fills our shelves and closets and garages to overflowing.. the picture albums full of snapshots, the jewels, the must have latest gadgets.. is this who you are? the loved ones left behind to clean up or clear our your treasures may find items that make them laugh or cry, pause to relive moments together, but is this all that is you, your essence? will they say you always drove the nicest car, lived in the best homes, took the most expensive vacations, threw the best parties.. or will they say you were loving, and caring and had the biggest heart. Will they say you were full of Joy, full of compassion and hope.. that you lived each moment to it's absolute maximum..
when there is nothing left of you but sweet memories.. who will people say you were...
if you didn't know, you are loved in the same way as you loved us,
without judgement, loved for who you are,
for all those things you went out of your way to do, things that were not your responsibility,you took them and us on as your own,
because you wouldn't have had it any other way..
if this is to be our final chapter, there is comfort in knowing that we shall meet again.. where the sky meets the stars, I shall find you again one day, free and young and whole...
I was blessed to witness a miracle today, a miracle of life..
I was with a loved one when she passed away..I say miracle because that is exactly what it feels like it was.. a calm and peaceful end to a wondrous love filled life.. I feel somehow honoured to have been near as she slipped quietly from this world, free of her struggle with illness, much like as in life with no fuss... I sit here only a short couple of hours after saying my final goodbye with a kiss to her forehead and a last touch of her loving hands.. and I am at peace... my heart is broken, shattered and I am missing her sweet laugh already, but to have been present and having her allow me to be so, has no words yet that quite fit the moment... only a stream of tears...
July - holy ground...
your wish for me is to be all this and more, never striving to deny me anything, only to add to who I am and who I can be... grounded in lessons learned, dreams fulfilled, a destiny before me larger than anything I could have envisioned on my own...
stay with me on these sacred grounds,
guide and shape my being into value for this place...
move my hands and my thoughts into actions of compassion and empathy...
dry my tears and refresh my spirit...
knowing you are always near, always ready, always loving...
grounds my faith and steadies my feet for the next step...
when my time has come, know that I am just over the horizon, walking ahead on to the next adventure for my soul to experience, but I am also as close as your next thought of us together... what we share is never lost, only packed temporarily away until the next time we unwrap the moment and let it touch us again...
good bye's are never forever, just momentary... know that when it is time for you to take your journey, when your time too has come, that I will meet you with outstretched arms, smiles, laughter and tears of joy as you appear in the distance, with each step moving closer to our blessed reunion...
so elemental in essence, sheltering and safe,
an essential blend of who and what and where I want to be...
what it feels like, that intangible almost indescribable shangri-la,
all encompassing spirit fulfilling
place to be comforted and peaceful and blessed...
feels like home... feels like the sweetest symphony,
treasured like the most exquisite pearl...
feels like home...
I hold fast to the knowledge that I am loved, and that I Love.. my existence is filled with an array of amazing persons whom I adore... I understand more clearly that to love them and cherish them, adds colour and texture and depth to my world, and that it will also in time add sadness and grief as we inevitably lose one another... all part of the same painting, all plants in the same garden of life... for to love someone today, must include that they were brought into life to live their seasons, to flourish and then decline and fade away... just as summer roses or spring tulips burst forth into life, blossom and grow, and then fade at seasons end, so to will we fade at our seasons end...
this is a story of Love which has no bounds and no chains... free to be explored and ingested and danced and sung... just one day like this, feels divine, the prospect of another and another and another feels almost indulgent, but they are ours to be lived... hand in hand, heart in heart we tread onwards to this destiny laid before us, a gift of here and now, a reward for the battle scars of the past, a reward for the unending faith that yes, this is possible and I will claim my share...
It has been quite a year. Lessons, tears, pain, but also knowledge that all of these mold and shape this person I have become, different than last year, and not the same as even tomorrow. There has been laughter and friendship, community, togetherness and finally the sweet sweet embrace of Love...
to those of you who have walked this road with me, I say Thank You, for your words of encouragement, your comments, and your being there in spirit...
words are often my comfort, my way of getting out what my soul needs to share and shed...
a toast...
to another 1 hundred with you... Happy New Year...
